هه‌رمێ عبدلله
8 هه‌ڵس و كه‌وت كه‌نه‌تزانیوه‌و ئازارى منداڵه‌كه‌ت ده‌دات:
هه‌ندێك جار باشترین گرنگى پێدان ده‌بێته‌هۆى خراپترین هه‌ڵه, ئه‌مه بۆ خێزانه‌كانیش ڕاسته چونكه له كۆتایدا ئێمه هه‌موومان مرۆڤین.
لێره‌دا چه‌ند هه‌ڵه‌یه‌كى باو ده‌خه‌ینه‌ڕوو كه ته‌نانه‌ت خێزانه زۆر باشه‌كانیش ئه‌نجامیان ده‌ده‌ن, وه چۆن بتوانین ده‌ست بكه‌ین به‌ڕاستكردنه‌وه‌ى ئه‌و هه‌ڵانه.
1- زۆر پاراستن یان ( زۆر چاودێریكردن):
منداڵان شه‌یداى فێربوون و تاقیكردنه‌وه و دۆزینه‌وه‌ن. له‌ته‌مه‌نى 2 – 7 ساڵیدا ده‌ست ده‌كه‌ن به فێربوون ده‌رباره‌ى هۆكاره‌كان و ئه‌نجامه‌كان. ئه‌گه‌ر ڕێگه‌یان پێنه‌درێت به‌وردى چاودێرى كاره‌كانیان و تاقیكردنه‌وه و ئه‌زموونه‌كانیان بكه‌ن ئه‌وا ئه‌و منداڵانه فێرى ئه‌نجامى كاره دڵنیاییه‌كانیان نابن و له دۆزینه‌وه‌كانیان ده‌ترسن.
به‌پێى لێكۆڵینه‌وه‌یه‌كى ده‌رونناس (ئێریك ئێریكسون) ئه‌گه‌ر ڕێگه نه‌ده‌ین به منداڵه‌كانمان له‌گه‌ڕان به‌دواى ترسدا ڕه‌نگه ئه‌وه ئازاریان بدات. دواتر ئه‌وان له هه‌موو بڕیاردانێك ده‌ترسن و وا گه‌وره‌ده‌بن كه به‌رده‌وام پشت به خێزانه‌كانیان ببه‌ستن, وه ناتوانن بوونى خۆیان بسه‌لمێنن و هه‌میشه داواى یارمه‌تى و بڕیاردان له كه‌سانى تر ده‌كه‌ن, ئه‌و ده‌رونناسه ڕێنمایمان ده‌كات كه ئازادى بده‌ین به منداڵه‌كانمان بۆ دۆزینه‌وه‌ى جیهانه بچوكوكه‌ى خۆیان, له‌دواوه دابنیشه‌و ڕێگه‌بده منداڵه‌كه‌ت هه‌ڵه‌كانى خۆى بكات, چونكه ئه‌وه ئه‌و شته‌یه كه به‌ڕاستى منداڵه‌كه‌ت ده‌ست ده‌كات به فێربوون.
2- وه‌ستانى گریانى كتوپڕى منداڵ :
منداڵه زۆر بچوكه‌كان ناتوانن پێمان بڵێن كه چیان ده‌وێت یان چیان پێویسته, كاتێك كه ده‌گرین, هه‌وڵده‌ده‌ین بزانین ئایا خۆیان ته‌ڕكردووه یان برسیانه یان نه‌خۆشن یان ته‌نها ده‌یانه‌وێت بگیرێنه باوه‌ش. له‌م حاڵه‌ته‌دا گرنگى به گریانه‌كانیان ده‌ده‌ین چونكه ئه‌وان پێویستیان به ئێمه‌یه.
كاتێك منداڵێك ده‌گاته ته‌مه‌نى 2 ساڵى پێویسته دایك و باوك زیاتر هه‌ست به‌جیاكردنه‌وه‌ى گریان و بێتاقه‌تى ئه‌و منداڵه بكات, هه‌رچه‌نده ئه‌مه ئاسانتره, گرنگیدان به هه‌موو حه‌زو ئاره‌زووه‌كانى منداڵه‌كه واى لێده‌كات فێرى كۆنتڕۆڵكردنى حه‌زه‌كانى خۆى نابێت . وه به‌رده‌وام ده‌بێت له پشت به‌ستن به‌كه‌سانى تره‌وه له هه‌موو شتێكدا گه‌وره بێت یان بچوك. وه له‌وانه‌شه ئه‌م خوه له‌گه‌ڵى بگوازرێته‌وه بۆ ته‌مه‌نى هه‌رزه‌كارى.
ده‌رونناس (كاستیلۆ كارسیرنى) ده‌ڵێت: منداڵه‌كه‌ت فێرى بڕیاردان بكه. كاتێك یارییه‌كى منداڵانه‌ى گرانى ده‌وێت پێشنیارى بۆ بكه یاریه‌كى هه‌رزانتر بكڕێت, به‌ڵام به‌شێوه‌یه‌كى جوان و به وشه‌ى جوان. پێى بڵێ كه ئه‌مه نه‌ك ته‌نها شتێكى خۆشه‌و ده‌توانێت یاری پێَبكات به‌ڵكو شتێكیشه كه خێزانه‌كه‌ى تواناى كڕینى هه‌یه بۆى.
منداڵه‌كه‌ت فێرى گرنگى پاداشت و سزا بكه, هه‌روه‌ها فێرى هه‌ڵبژاردنى بكه‌له نێوان دوو شتدا, دیاریه‌كى منداڵانه‌ى بۆ پێشنیاربكه وه‌كو هاندانێك كه ئه‌گه‌ر له قوتابخانه باشبێت یان شتێكى باش ئه‌نجامبدات ئه‌وا پێشكه‌شى ده‌كه‌یت. وه ئه‌گه‌ر هه‌ڵه‌یه‌ك بكات ئه‌و دیارییه وه‌رناگرێت. به‌ڵام ئاگادارى ئه‌و هاندانه به كه به‌ئه‌نقه‌ست و له ئه‌نجامى هه‌ڵه‌یه‌كى منداڵه‌كه‌ت پێشكه‌شى ده‌كه‌یت، چونكه ئه‌مه ده‌بێته هۆى به‌رده‌وامبوونى له‌سه‌ر ئه‌و هه‌ڵه‌یه.
3- ڕه‌خنه‌گرتن:
منداڵان زیاتر پێویستیان به خۆڕاگرى (ته‌حه‌مولكردن) و تێگه‌یشتن هه‌یه تا ڕێكخستنى به‌به‌رنامه‌و ڕه‌خنه‌گرتن. ئه‌و منداڵانه‌ى به‌رده‌وام ڕه‌خنه‌یان لێده‌گیرێت له‌وانه‌یه ڕێزى خۆیانیان لا كه‌م بێته‌وه‌و كاتێكیش گه‌وره‌ده‌بن هه‌میشه له خۆیان به گومانن و واهه‌ست ده‌كه‌ن هه‌رچى بكه‌ن جێى ڕه‌زامه‌ندى نیه لاى خێزانه‌كانیان.
با چاوه‌روانِییه‌كانت بۆ منداڵه‌كه‌ت به پێى گه‌وره‌بوونى ته‌مه‌نى منداڵه‌كه‌ت بێت. ڕه‌خنه له منداڵه بچوكه‌كه‌ت مه‌گره له‌سه‌ر ئه‌وه‌ى كه جل و به‌رگه‌كه‌ى یان سه‌رمێزه‌كه‌ى پیس كردووه, له جیاتى ئه‌مه‌پیرۆزبایى لێبكه بۆ ئه‌وه‌ى كه ده‌توانێت خۆى نان بخوات. داوا له كچه بچوكه‌كه‌ت مه‌كه كه بۆچى وه‌ك خوشكه گه‌وره‌كه‌ى نیه له ڕێكوپێك كردنى كه‌لوپه‌له‌كانیدا, له جیاتى ئه‌مه پێى بڵێ كه دانانى كه‌لوپه‌له‌كانى به‌و شێوه‌یه ئیشێكى زۆر جوانه. هانیبده كه ئه‌وه‌نده‌ى ده‌توانێت كه‌لوپه‌له‌كانى ڕێكبخات ئه‌گه‌رنا كه‌مێك هه‌وڵى زیاتربدات.
4- فه‌رامۆشكردنى پرسیاره‌كانى منداڵ یان گرنگى پێنه‌دانیان:
زۆربه‌ى منداڵان زانستخوازن و پرسیارى زۆر ده‌كه‌ن واته حه‌زده‌كه‌ن زانیاریان هه‌بێت ده‌رباره‌ى هه‌موو شته‌كانى ده‌وروبه‌ریان. به‌تایبه‌ت منداڵانى بچوك زۆر پرسیارى جۆراوجۆر یان هه‌زاران پرسیار ده‌كه‌ن. هه‌ندێك له خێزانه‌كان ئه‌م پرسیارانه فه‌رامۆش ده‌كه‌ن چونكه پێیان وایه كه ئه‌م پرسیارو لێكۆڵینه‌وانه‌ى منداڵ زۆر بچوكه یان گرنگ نیه یان هه‌ندێك له پرسیاره‌كانیان هه‌ستیارن, ئه‌مه به‌تایبه‌ت بۆ ئه‌و مه‌سه‌لانه ڕاسته كه په‌یوه‌ندیان به سێكسه‌وه هه‌یه.
ئه‌گه‌ر خێزانه‌كان ئه‌م پرسیارانه‌یان فه‌رامۆشكرد یان به ساده‌یى وه‌ڵامیان دایه‌وه وتیان (نازانم) بۆ ئه‌وه‌ى منداڵه‌كه بێده‌نگ بێت, به‌مه منداڵه‌كانیان فێرده‌كه‌ن كه‌نه‌توانن هه‌ستى خۆیان ده‌رببڕن. ئه‌مه وایان لێده‌كات هه‌سته‌كانیان له‌ناخیاندا بشارنه‌وه‌و به‌مه‌ش تواناى په‌یوه‌ندى كردنیان لاوازده‌بێت و زۆر به‌زوویى ده‌بێته هۆى نه‌مانى متمانه له نێوان خێزان و منداڵه‌كاندا. وه منداڵه‌كه واز له قسه‌و پرسیاركردن دێنێت له‌گه‌ڵ خێزانه‌كه‌یداو له جیاتى ئه‌مه په‌ناده‌باته لاى هاوڕێكه‌ى.
ئه‌گه‌ر وه‌ڵامى پرسیارى منداڵه‌كه‌ت نه‌دایه‌وه, پێى بڵێ كه هێشتا وه‌ڵامه‌كه‌ى نازانیت, به‌ڵام هه‌وڵ ده‌ده‌یت ئه‌وه‌نده‌ى بتوانیت به‌زوویى وه‌ڵامه‌كه‌ى بۆ ده‌دۆزیته‌وه.
5- ووتنى درۆى سپى:
ووتنى درۆى سپى شتێكى باوه لاى خێزانه‌كان به تایبه‌ت كاتێك كه منداڵه بچوكه‌كانیان پرسیاریان لێده‌كه‌ن ده‌رباره‌ى سێكس و ئه‌ندامى زاوزێیان. منداڵێكى بچوكى كوڕ پرسیار ده‌كات ده‌رباره‌ى ئه‌ندامى زاوزێى یان ده‌ستى لێده‌دات, یان هه‌وڵده‌دات بیشارێته‌وه. هه‌ندێك له خێزانه‌كان منداڵه‌كانیان وا ده‌ترسێن كه ئه‌و ئه‌ندامه‌یان زیانیان لێده‌دات ئه‌گه‌ر له‌و ڕه‌فتاره‌یان به‌رده‌وامبن, ئه‌مه‌ش وایان لێده‌كات كه گه‌وره‌بوون تایبه‌تمه‌ندى خۆیانیان نه‌وێت.
منداڵان پێویسته‌به ڕاستى كرداره‌كانیان پێ بوترێت. به شێوه‌یه‌ك بۆیان ڕونبكرێته‌وه كه بتوانن لێى تێبگه‌ن, ئه‌گه‌ر منداڵێكى بچوك پرسیارى كرد سێكس چییه, ته‌نها پێی بڵێ سێكس ئه‌و شته‌یه كه ژن و پیاو ئه‌نجامى ده‌ده‌ن بۆ ئه‌وه‌ى منداڵیان بیبێت. پێویست ناكات ڕونكردنه‌وه‌ى زیاترى بۆ بكه‌یت. ئه‌گه‌ر خێزانه‌كان هه‌ر له‌سه‌ره‌تاوه درۆیان كرد له‌گه‌ڵ منداڵه‌كانیان ئه‌وا باوه‌ڕكردنیان به شته بچوك و گه‌وره‌كان له‌ده‌ره‌وه‌ى ژیریان ده‌بێت.
6- هاواركردن:
مناڵه‌كه‌ت وه‌كو خۆت قسه‌ده‌كات. له قسه‌كردنیدا وشه‌كانى تۆو لاسایى تۆنه‌كه‌ت و هه‌ڵسوكه‌وته‌كانى تۆ به‌كاردێنێت, ئه‌گه‌ر تۆ هاواربكه‌یت به‌سه‌ر ئه‌ودا یان خه‌ڵكانى تردا ئه‌وا منداڵه‌كه‌ت فێرى هاواركردن ده‌بێت. ئه‌گه‌ر قسه‌ى پێبڵێیت ئه‌وا ئه‌ویش به‌باشى فێرى قسه وتن ده‌بێت.
له‌هه‌ندێك حاڵه‌تدا گونجاو ڕێگه پێدراوه ئه‌گه‌ر ده‌نگت به‌رز بكه‌یته‌وه یان به‌جدى قسه‌بكه‌یت, ئه‌گه‌ر بته‌وێت هه‌موو خه‌یاڵى منداڵه‌كه‌ت بۆ لاى ئه‌و مه‌سه‌له‌یه ڕابكێشیت یان بۆ ئه‌وه‌ى تێیبگه‌یه‌نیت كه ئه‌و شته زۆر گرنگه بۆ ئه‌و. واته پێویسته قسه‌كردنت له‌گه‌ڵ منداڵه‌كه‌ت بۆ مه‌سه‌له گرنگه‌كان جیاوازبێت وه‌ك له قسه‌كردنى ئاسایى, بۆ ئه‌وه‌ى منداڵه‌كه ئه‌و شته جدى و گرنگانه به گاڵته وه‌رنه‌گرێت. له‌گه‌ڵ ئه‌مه‌شدا پێویسته هه‌میشه دوربكه‌ویته‌وه له هاواركردن و قسه‌وتن به‌منداڵه‌كه‌ت.
7- به‌جێهێشتنى منداڵ بۆ ماوه‌یه‌كى زۆر لاى باوان.
(كاستیلۆ كارسێرنى) ده‌ڵێت: بۆ منداڵ شتێكى ناخۆشه كه به‌رده‌وام داپیره‌و باپیره‌ى ده‌بینێت وه‌ك سه‌رۆكى خێزان. ئه‌مه منداڵه‌كه ده‌شێوێنێت, چونكه داپیره‌و باپیره‌ى ده‌بینێت ئه‌و ڕۆڵه ده‌بینن كه پێویسته دایك و باوكى بۆى ببینن. ده‌ست ده‌كات به پرسیاركردن, چ جۆره باوكێكم هه‌یه؟ بۆچى ئه‌و كه‌سه نیه كه من ده‌مه‌وێت؟
كاریگه‌رى ئه‌مه زیاتر له‌و كاته‌نه‌دا ده‌رده‌كه‌وێت كه بڕیار ده‌رده‌كه‌ن. بۆ نمونه: ئه‌گه‌ر منداڵه‌كه داواى ڕێپێدان بكات بۆ چونه‌ده‌ره‌وه, باپیره‌ى ڕێگه‌ى پێبدات و بڵێت به‌ڵێ به‌ڵام باوكى بڵێت نه‌خێر منداڵه‌كه به گوێى باپیره‌ى ده‌كات، چونكه به‌سه‌رۆكى خێزانه‌كه‌ى ده‌زانێت. دواتر به‌تایبه‌ت له ساڵه‌كانى ته‌مه‌نى هه‌رزه‌كاریدا منداڵه‌كه سه‌رى لێده‌شێوێت و به‌گوێى ئه‌وكه‌سه‌ده‌كات كه له‌گه‌ڵ حه‌زه‌كانى ده‌گونجێت.
زۆرجار ململانلێ ڕوده‌ده‌ت له نێوان دایك و باوكى منداڵه‌كه‌و داپیره‌و باپیره‌كه‌یدا كه له هه‌مان خانوودا ده‌ژین, كاتێك موناقه‌شه‌و كێشه‌كان له‌لاى منداڵه‌كه‌دا ڕوو ده‌ده‌ن و دایك و باوكى منداڵه‌كه وه‌ڵامى داپیره‌و باپیره‌كان ده‌ده‌نه‌وه, ئه‌مه كاریگه‌ر ده‌بێت و منداڵه‌كه ده‌بینێت كه موناقه‌شه‌و جوابدانه‌وه‌ى گه‌وره‌كان ڕێگه پێدراوه, ئه‌ویش جوابى دایك و باوكى ده‌داته‌وه هه‌ر به‌و شێوه‌یه‌ى كه ئه‌وان كردیان له‌گه‌ڵ دایك و باوكیاندا.
8- جێهێشتنى منداڵ به‌ته‌نها له‌گه‌ڵ دایه‌ندا:
هه‌تا ئه‌گه‌ر دایانه‌كه باشبێت و له تاقیكردنه‌وه‌ى ده‌رونیدا ده‌رچوبێت, باش نییه منداڵه‌كه‌ت به‌ته‌نها لاى چاودێریكرنى دایه‌ن جێبهێڵیت. به‌تایبه‌تى بۆ ماوه‌یه‌كى دورو درێژ . (كاستیلۆ كارسێرنى) كه‌یسێكى له‌لایه كه دایه‌نه‌كه له منداڵكه ده‌دات و له ژورێكدا ده‌ست به‌سه‌رى ده‌كات به هه‌ڵسوكه‌وتێكى ناشیرین. هه‌ره‌وها كه‌یسێكى ترى لایه كه دایه‌نه‌كه شقارته‌یه‌ك داده‌گیرسێنێت و منداڵه‌كه‌ى پێده‌ترسێنێت به‌وه‌ى ده‌یسوتێنێت ئه‌گه‌ر عاقڵ نه‌بێت.
ِِ(كاستیلۆ) ئامۆژگارى دایكان و باوكان ده‌كات كه ئه‌گه‌ر منداڵیان جێهێشت با لاى ئه‌و دایه‌نانه جێبهێڵن كه له تاقیكردنه‌وه‌ى ده‌رونیدا ده‌رچوون. هه‌ندێك جار دایه‌ن هه‌ڵسوكه‌وتى جوان ده‌نوێنێت له‌به‌رده‌م كه‌سانى ترى ئه‌و شوێنه. وه كه‌سێكى جیاوازتره كاتێك ته‌نهایه یان كه‌س نیه چاودێرى بكات. ئه‌گه‌ر گونجاو بو وا ڕێكیخه كه هه‌میشه منداڵ دایك یان باوكى له‌گه‌ڵ بێت.
له كۆتایى ڕۆژه‌كه‌دا قسه‌له‌گه‌ڵ منداڵه‌كه‌تدا بكه‌و پرسیارى لێبكه كه ئایا ئه‌و ڕۆژه‌ى چۆن به‌سه‌ر بردووه و چى ڕویداوه كاتێك تۆ له‌ماڵه‌وه نه‌بوویت. پرسیارى لێبكه كه ئایا به‌هیچ شێوه‌یه‌ك ئازار نه‌دراوه.
كاستیلۆ ده‌ڵێت: منداڵ ڕاستى ده‌ڵێت ته‌نها پرسیارى لێبكه و وابكه كه منداڵه‌كه‌ت هه‌ست بكات تۆ له‌گه‌ڵیایت.
وه پێی بڵێ كه ئه‌گه‌ر دایه‌نه‌كه‌ى ئازارى ده‌دات ئه‌وا پێى ده‌ڵێت كه بڕوات.
ئه‌گه‌ر تۆ ته‌نانه‌ت یه‌كێك له‌م هه‌ڵانه‌ت ئه‌نجامداوه له‌گه‌ڵ منداڵه‌كه‌ت, هه‌رگیز دره‌نگ نییه بۆ ده‌ستكردن به گۆڕینیان بۆ باشتر. بۆ ئه‌وه‌ى داهاتوى منداڵه‌كه‌ت به‌دڵى خۆت بێت.
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