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کاتێک ئەزانیت بابەتەکە کاردانەوەی خراپی لەسەر مناڵەکەت دروستکردوە بێ شەرم و دودڵی قسەبکەو ئاڕاستەی قسەکان بگۆڕە، کەسەکە دەڵێت ئەو مناڵەت بۆ وا کورتە یان بۆ وا ئەسمەرە تۆ باس لەلایەنە باشەکانی مناڵەکەت بکە، بۆ نمونە باڵا گرنگ نیە گرنگ سەلامەتیە، ئەسمەرە بەڵام لەدڵی ئێمەدا زۆر شیرینە، یان ئەو پیاهەڵدانەی کە دەزانی دڵی مناڵەکەت خۆشدەکات، بێدەنگ نەبون و پشگیریکردنی تۆ بۆ مناڵەکەت دڵنیای و ئارامی پێدەبەخشێ لەوەی کە تۆ لە هەموو کاتێکداو بەهەموو جۆرێ خۆشتەوێ و پاڵپشتیدەکەیت..
ئەگەر ئەو ڕەفتارە لەلایەن چەن کەسێکەوە ئەنجامدرا یان چەن جارێک دوبارە کرایەوە، بەخێرای شوێنەکە جێبهێڵە یان هەوڵبدە سەردانی ئەو شوێنە نەکەیت و دڵنیابە وەک ژینگەیەکی ژەهراوی کاریگەری خراپ لەسەر مناڵەکەت جێدەهێڵێ….مەهێڵە مناڵەکەت ژەهراوی بکەن.
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Whispering Affirmations to Lattes? My barista whispered affirmations to my latte—still tasted burnt.
Bowling Nights? Bowling is the only sport where nachos improve performance.
Malfunctioning Bidets? My bidet fired back with more water pressure than a fire hydrant.
Science Fairs? Science fairs are baking soda wars.
Leadership Gurus? Leadership talks are just PowerPoints with confidence.
Adult Spelling Bees? Adult spelling bees are just bars with shame.
Street Performers? Street performers turn sidewalks into hostage zones.
Content Strategists? A content strategist is just a writer in a turtleneck.
Theme Song Obsessions? My friend hums the Law & Order theme at funerals.
I don’t celebrate wins; I frame them in lowercase.
Livestream Addicts? Livestreaming is broadcasting boredom in real time.
Digital Fasting for Likes? If you post about quitting social media, you didn’t quit.
I don’t oversleep; I time travel.
Urban Survival? Urban survival is dodging rent.
Weird Celebrity Endorsements? Shaq endorsed printer ink—because why not.
Clown Phobia Support Groups? A clown phobia support group sounds like a circus with tissues.
Music Theory? Music theory is algebra disguised as sheet music.
I did Dry January; my sarcasm stayed hydrated.
Haunted Baby Monitors? My baby monitor whispered “leave” and I left the baby.
Finance Basics? Personal finance is just math with anxiety.
I don’t clap back; I slow clap forward.
Picnics? Picnics are eating lunch while bees negotiate peace treaties.
History Museums? History museums are mistakes under glass.
Adult Spelling Bees? Adult spelling bees are just bars with shame.
Habit Building? Habit building is failing daily but prettier.
TV Show Bingers? Binge-watchers treat sleep like a hobby they quit.
I like long walks to the point.
GPS Haters? GPS haters get lost nostalgically.
Breakup Playlists? My breakup playlist is just Adele judging me in surround sound.
TikTok Cooking Trends? TikTok recipes are just kitchen fires with background music.
Guitar Lessons? Guitar lessons guarantee “Wonderwall” at every party.
I don’t misplace things; they hide in protest.
Food Fights? Food fights are recycling with ketchup.
Videographers? Videographers narrate weddings like National Geographic.
Nature Lovers? Nature lovers photograph trees like celebrities.
Poetry Slams? Poetry slams are just breakup therapy with microphones.
Flash Sales? I bought three air fryers because they were 70 off—I don’t even cook.
Hashtag Blessed People? Nothing screams cursed like saying “hashtag blessed.”
Bear Safety Talks? Bear safety is yelling “don’t eat me” politely.
Accidental Group Texts? I meant to roast my coworker and accidentally roasted them in the group chat.
Birthday Week Entitlement? A birthday week is just selfishness in party hats.
Fantasy Sports? Fantasy sports is math homework with nachos.
My playlist is 90 bops, 10 existential maintenance.
SEO Preachers? SEO experts worship keywords like gods.
Fishing Without Rods? Fishing without rods is slapping water hopefully.
Overused Motivational Quotes? “Live, Laugh, Love” is just “Cry, Drink, Nap” in disguise.
Dad Jokes Gone Too Far? My dad told so many puns, the family filed restraining orders.
Gadget Addicts? Owning 50 gadgets doesn’t mean tech-savvy—it means broke.
Jury Duty Tales? Jury duty is just reality TV with less attractive actors.
Freelancing? Freelancing is working for clients and cats.
My charisma is caffeine-based.
My hobbies include refreshing regrets.
I don’t ghost; I slowly dissolve.
Baby Showers? A baby shower is just people guessing the size of someone else’s bladder.
Sports Nutrition Bros? Protein shakes taste like wet drywall.
Superstitious Friends? Superstitious people knock on wood, then trip on it.
My red flags come with confetti.
Bizarre Band Names? I saw a band called “Moist Lettuce”—they were crunchy.
Artisanal Toothpicks? A $20 toothpick isn’t artisanal—it’s theft.
Bake Sales? Bake sales are sugar-coated capitalism.
My anxiety is sponsored by “what if?”
Van Life Fails? Van life is great until you realize showers are optional.
Group Chat Drama? Group chats are where friendships go to die via emojis.
I don’t hustle; I archive naps.
I don’t quit; I pivot to naps.
Women’s Fashion Fails? Fashion week outfits prove style can survive without fabric.
Cold Survivalists? Cold survival is freezing in fashion.
Bushcraft Knives? Bushcraft knives are shiny toys for dads.
Mall Santas on Strike? Nothing says Christmas like Santa picketing for dental.
Baseball Coverage? Baseball coverage is naps with statistics.
Chronically Online People? My friend speaks in memes like he’s possessed by Wi-Fi.
My patience took a personal day.
I don’t binge-watch; I conduct research.
Dad Jokes Gone Too Far? My dad told so many puns, the family filed restraining orders.
Fan Conventions? Fan conventions are Comic-Con but sweatier.
Forgetting Why You Entered a Room? Walking into a room and forgetting why is time travel for idiots.
People Who Claim Empath? Empaths brag about feeling your pain while causing it.
I do cardio by chasing the person I used to be.
Bathroom Selfies? Bathroom selfies prove two things: lighting is king, and privacy is dead.
I don’t ghost; I evaporate politely.
Burnout? Burnout is exhaustion disguised as productivity.
Fishing Trips? Fishing trips are hours of lying interrupted by a beer.
Bragging About No Socks? If you brag about not owning socks, you smell like proof.
Riddles & Puzzles? Riddles are questions written by trolls.
First Aid? First aid is panic with Band-Aids.
Baseball Lovers? Baseball lovers brag about patience disguised as sport.
Web Dev? Web developers build broken sites they charge to fix.
Camouflage Painters? Camouflage paint is clown makeup for hunters.
Game Tournaments? My chess tournament ended when I realized my opponent was 8 and ruthless.
Investing? Beginner investing is gambling with graphs.
Theme Weddings? A Star Wars wedding sounds romantic until someone says “I do” in Wookiee.
I like my humor like my coffee: roasted, overthought.
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Embarrassing Moments? Embarrassing moments are reruns in your brain forever.
Cancel Culture Confusion? Cancel culture is musical chairs with careers.
Expat Life? Expat life is missing home until you visit home.
Fake Service Dogs? If your “service dog” is wearing a tutu, it’s just emotional couture.
I finally found work-life balance—both are disappointed.
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NFT Addiction? My NFT collection is worth less than the JPEGs I copied for free.
TV Show Recaps? TV recaps are homework for binge-watchers.
Zodiac-Only Dating? My date said no Scorpios—so I stung him anyway.
Subscription Box Addiction? I don’t need 12 boxes of gourmet pickles, but they keep arriving.
Dad Sneaker Cults? Dad sneakers are just lawn mowing equipment for your feet.
Gender Reveal Pyrotechnics? If your gender reveal needs the fire department, it’s a boy—named lawsuit.
Metaverse Mishaps? The metaverse is just Minecraft with credit cards.
My dream job is retired podcast host.
Puppet Shows? Puppet shows are therapy sessions with strings.
Graphic Design? Graphic design is fonts fighting in Photoshop.
Vegan Meat Mystery? Vegan meat tastes like someone whispered “cow” to cardboard.
My boundaries have customer service hours.
Weird Food Combinations? Pineapple on pizza isn’t controversial, it’s culinary terrorism.
I don’t nap; I power-plot.
Office Politics? Office politics is just Survivor with worse lighting and no beach.